Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
