You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
