I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
