you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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