I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
