I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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