so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
