im drinking this country out of the recession.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
