**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
