We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
