Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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