I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
