We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize