My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
