I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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