$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
