He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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