I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
