i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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