Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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