my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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