After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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