its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
