Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
