I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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