yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
