So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
