Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
