Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize