hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
