No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
