Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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