Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
