worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
