I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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