Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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