allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize