HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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