this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
