found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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