yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
