Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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