Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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