you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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