Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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