hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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