She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
