I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
