worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
