.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
