Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
