Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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