He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were destined to go to rehab together
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
