If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
