never play flip cup with pint glasses
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
