he shaved USA in his pubs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
