mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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