I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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