Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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