I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
