His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
