we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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