I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
