Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
