I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
