Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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