so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
