How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Panties = found
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
