he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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