my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
