He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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