Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
