Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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