So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
