3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
