The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
