I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
