fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
