I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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