I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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